Tag Archives: Bad Actors

And Elsewhere

12 Nov

Well, another week has flown by. As usual, I have been super busy whoring myself all over the internets for your reading pleasure. Don’t believe me? I have proof!

This week at MamaPop:

Tuesday’s Post: HIMYM Season Six Recap: Episode 8 “Natural History”

Thursday’s Post: ANTM Cycle 15 Recap: Episode 10 “Kyle Hagler”

This week at Draft Day Suit:

Friday’s Post: Zack Greinke To The Blue Jays? Say It Ain’t So!

And Elsewhere

29 Oct

What? What’s that? You want the links to my articles around the internets this week? Well, then. You’re in luck! Please to enjoy the fuck out of my MamaPop and Draft Day Suit articles for the week. Also? Make sure you check out my post and auction benefiting The I Survived Project. Only a few more hours left to bid on two wonderful photography packages from yours truly!

This week at MamaPop:

Tuesday’s Post: How I Met Your Mother Season Six Recap: Episode 6 “Baby Talk”

Thursday’s Post: America’s Next Top Model Cycle 15 Recap: Episode 8 “Zac Posen”

This week at Draft Day Suit:

Thursday’s Post: Want Good College Basketball? Check Out The MVC This Year

 

 

 

And last but not least, you really need to pay attention to this link!

My Lame Ass Attempt At A Bake Sale (A benefit auction for The I Survived Project)

This Week @ MamaPop

8 Oct

It’s been another busy week of pulling double duty posts over at MamaPop. Lucky for you, I took the time to gather up all the links for you to get all kinds of clicky on and shit. So, what are you waiting for? Go! Read! Enjoy!

Monday’s Post: Top Five Underrated Movie Sequels Of All Time

Tuesday’s Post: How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Recap; Episode 3 “Unfinished”

Thursday’s Post: America’s Next Top Model Cycle 15 Recap: Episode 5 “Karolina Kurkova”

Friday’s Post: Top Five Male Movie Duos Of All Time

This Week @ MamaPop

1 Oct

This has been one crazy week for me over at MamaPop! This week, I had not one, not two, but four posts! That is double my normal amount of posts in any given week. So, with all that hard work, I give you the links! Please enjoy responsibly!

Monday’s Post: Top Five Movies That Make You Feel Gangsta

Tuesday’s Post: How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Recap: Episode 2 “Cleaning House”

Thursday’s Post: ANTM Cycle 15 Recap: Episode 4 “Matthew Rolston”

Friday’s Post: Top Ten Movie Hookers Of All Time

This Week @ MamaPop

17 Sep

It was another fun week over at MamaPop. What’s that? You want the links to my articles? Well, you’re in luck! I have them conveniently located below! Happy clicking!

Tuesday’s Post: Jennifer’s Body: A Review From My Couch

Thursday’s Post: ANTM Cycle 15 Recap: Episode 2 “Diane Von Furstenberg”

This Week Over @ MamaPop

9 Jul

OK, no kittens were harm while writing my posts for MamaPop this week. You have the power to ensure the safety of future kittens. Use your power for good. Get over to MamaPop and read my posts. I really don’t want to have to kill any kittens. Seriously. They might be too cute to die, but I am not afraid to do it!

(Please note, I really wouldn’t harm kittens. So, please, please save your hate mail for more important things. You know, like when I set armadillos on fire!)

Tuesdays post: Katie Holmes Signs Up For Mr. Schuester’s Glee Club

Thursdays post: Baby Mama Drama: The Bobby Fischer Edition

MamaPop

15 Jun

So, for once, my insanity has actually paid off for me. Today, I feel like that fat kid who finally got picked first for the dodgeball team. Could this be a trap? Maybe. Anyway, say hello to the newest writer for MamaPop! Now you have not one, not two, but three whole places to read the messed up shit that runs through my mind. If you are not familiar with MamaPop, get your asses over there now. They cover all the pop culture news and celebrity gossip you would ever need. The best part? You get to read some great stuff from some very talented writers all wrapped up in one tiny little nugget.

Click on the shiny MamaPop badge to be magically whisked away through the internets to the MamaPop website. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Click HERE for my first post. Click a lot. Click because you love me. Click because you hate me. Just fucking click.

Click HERE to follow MamaPop on the Twitter machine.

Click HERE to follow me on the Twitter machine.

Click, click, click, click, click, clit, click, click, click. (Which one is not like the others?)

R.I.P Melrose Place v2.0

19 May

Yesterday, my favorite purveyor of trashy, lovely, delicious, and outright tasty television smut canceled the best way I like to waste an hour of my time. Yes, the CW, put the good old/new Melrose Place in the proverbial guillotine, yanked the rope, and let the poor cast’s pretty little heads fly. This gives me a serious case of the sads. Now let’s get serious here. I never really intended to watch this absolute mess of a show. Like most things, I was forced into it at gunpoint by the wife. From episode one, I was hooked like a two dollar whore on the smack. I don’t know what it was. Was it the beautiful people who, by luck,  all seemed to find the most kick ass apartment complex in all of Los Angeles? (Maybe) Was it the fancy cars and diamond rings? (Certainly) Or maybe, just maybe, was it the true love and ultimate romance of Jonah and Riley? (Definitely) I mean, how am I supposed to sleep at night when I will never know what will become of the Jonah, Riley, and Ella love triangle? This is very unsettling for me. I am getting queasy just thinking about all the unfinished story lines. How am I going to live without having the possibility of finding somebody dead in a swimming pool on my Tuesday nights? How will I ever know if  Dr. Michael Mancini’s heart thingamajig was actually killing patients? I may actually need heart surgery one day, you know? Shouldn’t someone alert the FDA about this? Never fear, some good has come from this. The cancellation of Melrose Place has brought me some inner peace. Why, you ask? We are almost guaranteed we will never have to see Ashley Simpson “act” again. No more of her trying to be sexy and ruining my nights with her portrayal of Ms. Violet. This will bring me a lot of needed comfort in the coming weeks. As we all know, I will definitely need it.

An Earth Day Post: Help Save the World, Jared Leto

22 Apr

Dear Mr. Jared Leto,

In honor of Earth Day, please, oh please, quit being such a poser. Your foul stench and your “band” has created enough noxious gases and noise pollution to last an entire generation. All is not lost though, you WERE Jordan Catalano on “My So Called Life” for one whole season back in 1994. With that, you can rest easy knowing there are plenty of twenty, thirty, and hell, even forty something ladies out there that thank you for not running off to Vermont to marry Rickie like we all thought you should. Am I saying you are gay? Nope. Not at all. I am just saying you and Rickie’s sweet nuptials would have been a much better career move than that thing you call “30 Seconds to Mars”. So, Mr. Leto, do us all a favor. Break up the “band”, take a shower, and start applying at every single coffee-house you see. I mean, how else are you going to support yourself?

Sincerely,

Planet Earth

Point, Counterpoint. (STFU Ashlee Simpson)

22 Dec

It’s a cold, but lovely day here in the Midwest. The day started off like any other day. Alarm clock went off,  hauled ass to the shower, got the boy off to daycare, and then finally arrived to my so-called day job. Ordinary and possibly almost mundane. All was well until I opened up the facebook machine to discover a truly heinous post from my friend and fellow pop culture whore, Nancy. (I use the word “whore” as a pure token of affection. It’s a label bestowed to only the finest of people. Specially, when the subject of pop culture is involved.) At first, I was going to protect Nancy’s identity, but like witness protection, the protection of one’s identity is generally reserved for the innocent. Nancy, however, is by far innocent. She, in fact, is inexplicably guilty of one of the highest infractions known to man. In a court of law, the judge would laugh, throw the book at her, then sentence her to a lifelong highway litter control. It’s that serious folks. What crime against humanity did Nancy commit? First, the evidence…

” wonders who is more embarrassed by her sister, Ashley Olsen or Ashlee Simpson-Wentz….”

The above quip was posted approximately 11 hours ago on the defendant’s facebook page.  Not too damning, but a wee bit rage inducing. I was willing to let this slide. That is, until I witness this horrific post…

“OK 1. I happen to like Ashlee’s portrayal of Violet on MP (and everything else about her!) and I don’t understand why people think she’s so bad! She’s hot, has a sexy husband, great body, good hair, nice style. 2. Acting creds aside, Jessica has got to be an embarrassment to that entire family… I mean, need I mention the high-waisted, double-… See More belted jeans she wore to that CHILI COOKOFF where she was performing (btw, Ashlee is on Broadway right now) and the fact that she’s dating gross Billy Corgan?!”

OK, now she has gone way too far. Defending Ashlee Simpson as an actress? Yikes. I, for one, cannot sit back at let this happen. As most of you that know me know, I love hideously trashy television. So much so, I have been often asked if I still have my “Man Card”. I will sit back and watch most shows that aren’t even fit to be used as psychological warfare. Thanks to my wife, I have been hooked on the new Melrose Place. Evidently, it is the television equivalent to black tar heroin.  You know it’s bad for you, but once you get started, you just can’t stop. Before you know it, you are waking up from a weekend long binge on a linoleum floor in Ames, Iowa. Shit happens. We’ve all been there before. So what’s my point? After watching many, many shows that have consumed thousands of hours of my life that I can’t get back, I have come to the conclusion that Ashlee Simpson is the worst actress I have ever seen. Now, sit back and let that marinate in your skull for a while. Mind blowing, huh? Yes, that’s right, even worst than Paris Hilton. I am pretty sure that if Ashlee released a sex tape, she would mess that one up too. How unfortunate.  But, I digress. I have seen better performances by chimpanzees, dolphins, and that “Corky” kid from Life Goes On fame.  When the negative reviews started to roll in about Mrs. Ashlee’s horrendous acting, the producers even tried to sex her character up a little bit. When in doubt, show some skin, right? Sex sells. Nothing could have been farther from the truth. Not only did she fail to bring the sexy, she actually looked pained in the process. Poor miss Violet. Now, I am not the most beautiful man in the world and I am, by no means, an actor, but I am pretty sure I could “act” sexy without major problems. Finally, after multiple petitions and bloody riots, the producers wised up and fired little Ashlee from the show. The public had seen enough of Ashlee’s “Joey Tribbiani’s School of Acting” fart faces and miscues. Not only did she get the axe, but her shit-tastic acting most likely contributed to her fellow actor and on-screen love interest, Collin Egglesfield (Auggie) getting fired as well. If there is a god out there, he/she/it/unicorn answered the cumulative public’s prayers. So, Ms. Nancy, the prosecution rests. We have nothing further to say, no more evidence to present. We hope our argument has persuaded you to consider the harshest of punishments for the defendant. A punishment that includes, but no limited to, a lifetime of Ed Hardy t-shirts, dates with Michael Lohan, and an eternal screening of Ashlee’s lip synching performance on Saturday Night Live.

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