When Will Morning Come?

5 Jan

The drugs and alcohol try their absolute best to squash the inner workings of my mind. Even their best attempts appear to be in vain though. In my world, reality and the irrational rarely play nice together. The raging war between the two flourish amongst the anger, doubt, and, guilt.  As I lay here in the dark, my alarm clock mocks and taunts me with a constant reminder of just how much time I have left until the first glimpse of sunlight peers through the windows in this empty room. Frustrated, I close my eyes in a feeble attempt to sleep.

In reality, I am just preparing myself for battle.

I can feel a flurry of activity reverberate inside my skull as I lay here in the still of the night. Most of the day, time seems to move at warp speed. But not now. Not when I need it to the most. Instead, time holds on like a starving parasite sucking a few drops of life from me as each second ticks by.

I shouldn’t be surprised by this ritualistic draining. I’ve certainly been here a million times before. But as I toss and turn about this cold, empty bed, the voices inside my mind get louder and more invincible than ever before. Impervious to my redundant and overtly idealistic threats, they mock every part of my being. Powerless, I succumb to each and every thought.

There in the darkness, I watch the clock.

Waiting.

Wondering.

When will morning come?

 

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6 Responses to “When Will Morning Come?”

  1. Dysfunction Junction January 5, 2011 at 11:52 am #

    Morning, light and serenity come when you least expect it.

    And as they say, night has always pushed up day.

    You’ll get over your hill.

  2. andygirl January 5, 2011 at 12:11 pm #

    I have so been there!

    I know your insomnia is brought on by stress, but this eternal insomniac feels your pain. I know you’re not looking for advice, but I’m gonna give some.

    no alcohol. it doesn’t help you sleep.

    you have to trick your mind into shutting off. so try different things different nights.

    it doesn’t always work, but I like a combo of valerian root and benadryl. just give yourself 8 hours to sleep it off.

    melatonin also works sometimes, but you can become dependent, so don’t use it every night.

    then distract yourself with any info other than what your brain wants to dwell on. reading often helps me. or stumble. random, useless info is awesome for sleep.

    or just get onto twitter and I’ll prob be there. *hugs*

  3. flutter January 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm #

    Morning comes when you give up the night. Give it up.

  4. fghart January 5, 2011 at 10:24 pm #

    I agree with Andygirl – no alcohol, it doesn’t help. And don’t listen to the voices that haunt you in the isolation and darkness. They don’t help either. Try all of the tips that you can find regarding sleeplessness, but also remember that you’re going to make it through this valley.

  5. amanda January 6, 2011 at 2:25 am #

    Trying, for me, is like swimming upstream. When I have the wherewithal to give myself to the current, then there is peace.

  6. Carrie Meadows January 10, 2011 at 5:16 pm #

    I’ve struggled with sleep issues since my late teens, and the older I get, the more particular my body becomes. What have I learned? I can’t do sweets, alcohol, or late nights- or any combination of the three. Sugar at night keeps me up. Every time. If I have a drink, I need several hours between the drink and bedtime or it will keep me up. If I have 3 or more, it will keep me up no matter when I had them. If I stay up way past my bed time, either because of drinks or late night dinners or whatever, it will keep my up. Because my circadian rhythm is all thrown off.

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