30 Days Of Truth: Day Ten

16 Nov

Day 10- Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I see him everyday. I know his exact location at any given moment. He’s always there. Never more than an arm’s length away. Always waiting for an opportunity to pounce, lurking in the shadows as I check to see what’s behind me.  Everywhere I go, I hear his voice. At times, he gets so close, I can smell him.

This room should be quiet. It’s dark and cold, just the way I like it. I crave to be alone for once. But there he is. I can hear the muffled sounds and bass of his voice resonate through the pillow I have clutched on top of my head to protect me. If I can just make it to the bathroom without him seeing me, I’ll be safe. With two feet planted firmly on the floor, I slowly attempt to make my way to the door. The floor creaks under the weight of my heavy limbs. As I flip on the light, I knew I was too late. He was waiting for me. There would be no escaping today.

There in the mirror, he copied my every move. Each stroke of the toothbrush, each wipe of the washcloth. He even mimicked the way I spit. He has been watching me for almost thirty years now. He has my routine down to a science. In fact, he even laid a change of clothes out for me the night before. He even had all my prescriptions place neatly on the counter for me.

As the minutes tick by, I hear his rants getting louder and louder. I try my damnedest to just ignore him, but it’s impossible. His words grate on my mind. His looks make my skin crawl. So disapproving, so much second guessing. I slam my hands over my ears to try to deafen his words, but it only makes it worse. He knows I am trying to ignore him. This pisses him off to no end.

I flip the lights on and off hoping that by the time the darkness gives way to light, he’ll be gone. My rational mind screams at me for even entertaining these silly ideas. At this point though, I’ll try anything. The mirror never lies. The reflection is harsh and unapologetically truthful. I need to let him go. In fact, he needs to fuck off. He needs to fade away and just let me be me.

Standing there, looking in the mirror, the truth hurts. I collect my thoughts, regain my composure, and walk out the door. Tomorrow will be different. When I flip the lights on and look in the mirror, he’ll be gone. Well, that’s what I tell him anyway.

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4 Responses to “30 Days Of Truth: Day Ten”

  1. Dysfunction Junction November 16, 2010 at 12:16 pm #

    The real trick isn’t getting rid of the judgment, it’s hearing it and choosing to believe otherwise. To know in your heart that it’s wrong.

  2. andygirl November 16, 2010 at 1:47 pm #

    great piece! you tell that ass to fuck off.

  3. flutter November 16, 2010 at 9:33 pm #

    believe that there are forces that love you that you do not and cannot fathom.

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  1. Tweets that mention 30 Days Of Truth: Day Ten « StudioEightOneSix -- Topsy.com - November 16, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TJ Johnson, TJ Johnson. TJ Johnson said: 30 Days Of Truth: Day Ten: http://wp.me/pDVTH-fB […]

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