30 Days Of Truth: Day Six

27 Oct

Day 06- Something you hope you never have to do.

Sure, we all have those things we never want to have to do in life. As a parent, I can’t fathom the thought of buying a bouquet of flowers to lay to rest on the grave of one of my own. I, for one, can’t stand the thought of spending anymore than 37 seconds in a prison. I never want to be set on fire. I never want to drown. And most importantly, I never want to be forced to eat onions. Ugh. I shudder at the thought of a rogue onion attack.

But all of these things combined (the dead kid part excluded),  none of them compare to the ultimate thing I hope I never have to do. Something I am so fearful, so skittish about, I don’t even like to utter the name.

I hope I never have to go to Disney World. Yes. You read that correctly. Motherfucking Disney World.

The happiest place on Earth? No, I don’t fucking think so. The mere thought of having to spend ANY amount of time at that place single-handedly makes me want to hurl all over the place. If you know me well, you know my intense hatred for clowns. Well, imagine this hatred and then multiply it by ten. What do you have? My feelings towards Disney.

The Seven Dwarfs, Bambi, Mickey Mouse? Yeah, that’s what nightmares are made of. I hate the hokiness. I hate the fake smiles, the hidden antisemitism, the pure racial stereotyping.  When the subject of Disney World comes up, I think of the smells of urine and vomit covering the park like a fresh blanket of putrid snow.

Yes. I know. This is some fucked up shit. And I am totally aware this subject probably is better suited for a session with a therapist and a large dose of psychotropics. I get that. But as my children get older and Disney keeps pimping out commercials on Nickelodeon, Sprout, and every other fucking network known to man, I know the subject is going to come up. And you know what I’ll say? “Go ask your grandma.”


17 Responses to “30 Days Of Truth: Day Six”

  1. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah October 27, 2010 at 10:19 am #

    I’m taking my kids there in November.

    Hold me.

  2. Jen O. October 27, 2010 at 10:20 am #

    I don’t even know how we’re friends.

  3. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah October 27, 2010 at 10:21 am #

    Did I mention I lived in Orlando for seven years? I know fear and loathing.

  4. jodifur October 27, 2010 at 10:21 am #

    wow, I, um, love Disney World. With a passion. Sorry.

  5. Holmes October 27, 2010 at 10:25 am #

    This post just reserved you your very own mouse ears hat.

  6. Rebecca October 27, 2010 at 10:27 am #

    I could not agree more! We took our kids to Washington, DC over the summer. They LOVED it. Who needs fucking Disney World!?

  7. Julie @ The Mom Slant October 27, 2010 at 10:59 am #

    No Disneyworld. Got it.

    How about Disneyland? Disneyland is the original. It rocks.

  8. flutter October 27, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

    Dude. You know I was Snow White at Disneyland, right? You’re just trying to stab me in my little grinch heart.

    • TJ October 27, 2010 at 1:59 pm #

      What???? Really??? Oh shit! :)

      • flutter October 28, 2010 at 12:18 am #

        yes, I had little rat bastard children crawling up under my skirt and incredibly intrusive japanese tourists getting an inch from my schnozz to take 4000000000000000000venty pictures of me from every angle.

        Ohai run on sentence.

  9. unforgivenone October 27, 2010 at 3:32 pm #

    Great post, but I have to know: what the hell is wrong with onions?

    • TJ October 27, 2010 at 3:36 pm #

      Onions are the white supremacists of the vegetable world.

      • unforgivenone October 28, 2010 at 8:09 am #

        That’s why you chop them up and drown them in your chili before consuming.

  10. Amy @ Bitchin' Wives Club October 27, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    DisneyWorld scares me, too. I’ve never been, nor has my husband. We are going to Florida this year for Christmas and have promised the kids that we will make a trip to Orlando for a day, maybe two.

    To go to Universal Studios and the Harry Potter theme park. I am completely into real-life Diagon Alley and broomstick rollercoaster rides. :)

    The princesses at Disney can wait for another lifetime, I guess.

  11. Jules October 27, 2010 at 6:41 pm #

    I can’t even look at your picture right now…. Seriously. Turn away.


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