30 Days Of Truth: Day Five

26 Oct

Day 05-Something you hope to do in your life.

Since my high school days, I have hidden and buried any and all of my so-called creative abilities from everyone I knew. I hid it because in my mind, it wasn’t the logical choice for me. Everyone around me was either working or on their way to college for something tangible like a business degree or something in a “real” field like architecture. So, not to be left behind, I concentrated on slowly but surely educating myself in the sciences. Eventually, I got my first job at a huge laboratory when I was only 17 years old. And for the last thirteen years, I have done nothing but clinical laboratory science as my bread and butter day job.

Well, that is, until I couldn’t keep it inside anymore.

I could feel it building inside of me. In the middle of the night, I would get up and scribble something in a notepad. Just a few words, a few sentences of a short story that had been running through my mind. The urges just kept coming. I had to let these things out. Before I knew it, I hated everything about my day job.

The years kept passing by. Calenders full of 365 days flew by as if they were minutes. Still, there I was. The day job still intact, still there mocking my logic. A daily taunt of entrapment. I was turning 27 that year. The year when it all began.

My sister let me borrow her Canon Rebel for a vacation to La Jolla in 2007. It was the first time this landlocked Midwestern kid had ever seen the ocean in person. At this point, it had been 11 years since I had picked up a camera. I remember the last time I put my love away. I was 16 years old. She was a Canon SLR. Nothing fancy, but just the right tool for my photography class. Every picture I took that year fanned the flame inside me. But without notice, I abandoned her, my dream for what I thought was greener pastures. As soon as I brought my sister’s camera to my eye, I knew my life was about to change.

The creative urges were too great to extinguish now. I couldn’t keep them in any longer. The war raged between my left and right brain. A constant flood of thoughts and conflict consumed my mind on the daily. I ran out and bought the latest DSLR I could find. I was determined to make myself a photographer if it was the last thing I ever did.

A year passed and my photography business exploded. Suddenly I was the proud owner of a LLC. I had a working, blossoming business on my hands. Still, something inside was still tugging at me. I felt that photography alone wasn’t going to be enough. It was going to be the fix I needed. I had something I had to get off my chest. Stories that flooded my mind so long ago, had to be told. Well, stories and random thoughts that flew across my skull with reckless abandonment anyway.

So, here I am today. Not only do I have my photography business, but I now write for three awesome sites and my own blog to boot. I am starting to feel like I can make my creative side my full priority. Allow myself to breathe a little. Well, that is until I clock in every morning at my day job.

There it is. Staring at me in the face. A stark reminder that I still have so much work left to do. The time clock and that yellow time card punch me in the gut as I calculate just how much time I waste here. But I am working on it. I keep telling myself that it will all work out in the end. And this is where I have hope. The hope that is still there fuels my soul. I know that one day, I’ll be able to laugh about this. Yeah, laugh. I sure hope so.

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7 Responses to “30 Days Of Truth: Day Five”

  1. flutter October 26, 2010 at 10:34 am #

    you’re talented, I don’t see a reason why this can’t happen

  2. Dysfunction Junction October 26, 2010 at 10:48 am #

    Just keep that hope in the forefront of your brain and work a little bit each day to make sure you move closer to what you’re trying to accomplish.

    It’ll come.

  3. HO October 26, 2010 at 1:20 pm #

    You have amazing talents T and I have no doubt that your passion and skills will make doing what you love what you get to do all the time! Be patient and it will happen!

  4. Sarah October 26, 2010 at 3:54 pm #

    I think you are fantastic at the creative stuff. If the boring job supports your creative side for now, so be it. Better things will come out of this.

  5. Jules October 27, 2010 at 5:10 am #

    You know that I think you’re a creative genius!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. 30 Days Of Truth: Day Five « TeeJay Writes - October 26, 2010

    […] Here, read more! […]

  2. Tweets that mention 30 Days Of Truth: Day Five « StudioEightOneSix -- Topsy.com - October 26, 2010

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Xtina, Jen O.. Jen O. said: Read. I command it of you. @studio816 30 Days Of Truth: Day Five: http://t.co/o0tp1OY […]

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