Snap Judgments

27 Jul

And then it hit me. I am a total and complete asshole. At times, I have a superhuman ability to disgust myself. Normally, I just piss off others. I have been doing this for years now, so I am at peace with this. But now, my penchant for making snap judgments has started to affect my soul. And for this, I must apologize.

Most days, I fancy myself a pretty decent person. I consider myself to be extremely open-minded and very liberal with my opinions. You could be a crazy goat fucker that traveled the world with your conjoined gay twin and I wouldn’t care. As long as the goat is totally consenting and your gay conjoined twin is game, go for it. Whatever floats your boat is fine by me. See, my problem lies within my own mind. I have a nasty habit of judging people based off my initial impression. About 90% of the time, this works out to my advantage. That may sound a little cocky and shitty, but I think I have a pretty good knack for spotting life’s big time bullshitters. It’s that other 10% that make me wonder if I am actually as good of a person as I think I am.

This latest revelation all started with a simple email exchange. Upon logging into Gmail and sorting through the madness, I stumbled upon an email in which the sender was familiar. This person really didn’t know me, but thanks to the internets, I knew a little bit about her. Up to this point, she would have no reason to email me. No reason at all. But in the past couple of weeks leading up to the email, things had changed. All of the sudden, we were actually working together. I was the new kid on the block. She was the wiley veteran. The email was short, simple, and to the point. Still, something about it rubbed me the wrong way. She was merely asking me to do her a favor by switching work schedules with her. On the grand scheme of things, it was really no big deal. Being it was my first day on the job, my ego got the best of me. I felt slighted. I felt like I was the new kid in school and I just got stuffed in my locker by a senior. Cry me a fucking river, right?

A few weeks went by and I calmed down a bit. Then, out of the blue, another email came my way. The tone and the content of the email were exactly the same. She was even apologetic with her reasoning, but still I was hot and bothered. “Who in the hell does she think she is?”, I thought to myself. She must be crazy. In fact, I know she is.

Based on two small email conversations, I had all but made up my mind about this woman. She was crazy. She was rude. Keep in mind, I have never actually met this person in real life. I didn’t know her story. I haven’t a clue what she has been through in her life. My opinion had formed. There was no changing my stance. That is, until actually sat down and read her blog.

Wow. What. An. Asshole. Open my mouth and insert my foot. I wanted desperately to hate this person. I had already written her off. Remember, my impression of this person was based solely on two measly email interactions. How utterly low of a human being have I let myself become? Am I making a mountain out of an ant hole about this? Maybe. But maybe that is what I need to do.

There was this one story in particular that I stumbled upon. The story was etched full of her beautifully haunting memories. Her pain, hurt, and sadness reached through my screen and bitch-slapped me in the face. I had judged this woman without even knowing a fraction of her ideas, thoughts, or emotions. I instantly became nauseous and sad. Not only for her, but for myself as well.

At this point, I knew I needed to change. I needed to change the way my mind works. I have been struggling with this for my entire adult life. You would think that I would deal with this and get better as I got older. Unfortunately, that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I know that I am not alone in this. A lot of people do the very same thing that I am guilty of. Does that make it right? Certainly not. From this point on, I am going to try my best to be objective as possible. So, to this person, I most sincerely apologize. I am a huge asshole. Thank you for opening my eyes and warming my robotic heart. Well, that is, until the next time somebody pisses me off by way of email.

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12 Responses to “Snap Judgments”

  1. unforgivenone July 27, 2010 at 5:49 pm #

    I can certainly relate, my friend. Try not to be so hard on yourself. I’ve certainly been there.

    • TJ July 27, 2010 at 9:55 pm #

      I’m all about personal growth these days. Sometimes the reality of things smack you straight in the face.

  2. Andygirl July 27, 2010 at 9:33 pm #

    see? you’re not an asshole. you’re just human. assholes never feel badly about snap judgements. they just hike up their asshole pants and say something assholey.

    • TJ July 27, 2010 at 9:57 pm #

      Assholey? That just made my day, Andy. Thank you. I needed that.

  3. flutter July 27, 2010 at 10:01 pm #

    you don’t strike me as even a little asshole-esque.

    • TJ July 28, 2010 at 8:13 am #

      Most days, I don’t think I am. There is, however, that occasional day when the asshole comes out to play. Wait a minute…That didn’t come out right!

  4. Holmes July 29, 2010 at 11:20 am #

    Hey man, plenty of people wouldn’t have even gone to the trouble to sit down and read that person’s blog, would have kept their mind made up. You made a mistake, you corrected. That’s a win from where I’m sitting.

    Meanwhile, LCD Soundsystem is singing “I can change, I can change, I can change, I can change…” as I type this. Funny.

    • TJ July 29, 2010 at 11:27 am #

      Why couldn’t “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House” be playing? Much better tune.

  5. Elizabeth Barrett August 3, 2010 at 8:58 am #

    You have a wicked wit and take gorgeous photos. Thanks for sharing.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. Reading people can be tough and exhausting. I’m posting a story about that and more at http://www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com. Today’s post is about how wives sometimes have to do the interpreting for their hubbies. At least you do yours yourself. I’d be grateful. I hope you’ll take a peek.

    • TJ August 3, 2010 at 9:05 am #

      Thank you!

  6. Lindsay August 19, 2010 at 9:10 pm #

    We’ve all got baggage. And we all judge based on our own baggage. You’re not the only one. The nice thing is we can all be proven wrong about other people.

    • TJ August 19, 2010 at 9:45 pm #

      I couldn’t agree more.

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