I Am Only 10% Gay

26 May

Around my house, Tuesday nights are filled with magical fairy dust, unicorns, and rainbows. Just as the sun sets in the Western sky, my wife and I settle down, flop our fabulously rotund derrieres on the couch, grab the remote, and within an instant, we are transported to the happiest, gayest land of all. That’s right, I am talking about Glee. For one hour of my week, I get to escape the every day grind and enjoy some musical and theatrical therapy. Now, I realize that might not sound so “manly” of me. I mean, how can a super macho, hetero, family man enjoy such a blatant display of song, dance, fashion, and an occasional dash of homosexuality? Simple. I am 10% gay. Yes, you read that correctly. 90% hetero and 10% gay. Now that I have completely blown your tiny little gourds of your shoulders, let me explain.

As Americans, we love us some labels. Be it the tag on your jeans, the brand of cereal you buy, the kind of car you drive, all the way down to socioeconomic status, we love to adorn things and people with as many labels and categories as possible. This brings us great comfort. It soothes our souls just to know that something fits or has its place. We come up with labels for everything we do, see, touch, and feel in life. Poor and rich. Black and white. Gay and straight. Gucci and Prada. Walmart and Target. Happy and sad. Well, you get the drift. Every little possible thing has to get a place, a role in life. If things don’t get assigned a category, mayhem ensues. For some odd reason, our minds just can’t comprehend that something or someone might not have a label or fit into just one category.

During last night’s episode of Glee, this became a blaring undertone for pretty much every character involved. Thanks to the writers, in just an hour’s time, we got to witness some very poignant and real struggles that today’s and yesterday’s youth alike have dealt with at some point in their lives. Even if you try to hide it, I am sure on some level, you could relate to at least one character on this show. Were you the super badass, tough football player? Maybe you were the Gothic kid sporting black hair and nails? Could you have been the geek that was constantly ridiculed for what you wore or how smart you were? Or maybe you were the gay kid feeling as if you were the only one around. The point is, we all were there at one time or another. I am willing to bet, there are a few of you out there that still fight that internal battle of trying to figure out just what you are.

As a lot of people do, I get excited about certain things, so I head straight to facebook and twitter to announce my often insane thoughts. It could just be a random quote from whatever show I am watching or a song floating around in my mind. More often than not, my postings are rarely meaningful or full of any type of insight. Never to shy away from comments of any kind, I often get called many awesome things. Funny, weird, gay, fairy, dumb, and womanly to name a few. Now, these so-called labels are almost purely (I think) in jest. With most things in life, if it is funny to me or others, then it gets categorized as totally acceptable. Laughter and humor easily fix most things in my book. So when somebody calls me “gay” for watching Glee, I take it as a badge of honor. I am as just a guilty as the next. I love labels. However, I love to be labeled with more than just one label. I am a label collector, if you will. The way I see it, the more labels or categories that fit me, the better. I have no problem being called dumb, smart, funny, lame, gay, straight, ugly, or dashingly handsome. None of these labels bother me in the least. As time goes by, the more labels I can collect, the more well-rounded man I can become. At the ripe old age of 30, I know who I am. I know who really loves me. I know what and who I really love. When it all boils down, what is more important than that? So, the next time you catch me listening to Paula Abdul, watching Glee, humming show tunes, all while doing a little interior design with America’s Next Top Model recording on the DVR, remember this. I most likely just got done mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, playing football with my son, changing breaks on the car, letting my beard get all scruffy, and watching the latest UFC fight. Why? Because I am a jack of all trades and whatever you want to label me is just fine by me.

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4 Responses to “I Am Only 10% Gay”

  1. Jen O. May 26, 2010 at 11:19 am #

    Great post. I, for one, have no idea who or what I am, so that probably means I have a label collection, too.

    To clarify: whatever name I call you on Twitter is said with utmost respect. I don’t remember if I did (probably), but it was done with a virtual elbow to your ribs and a smirk on my face. That goes to you and anyone else I may have called a name. I don’t call people names to be mean, EVER. Always in jest. Always for fun.

    And, DUDE. I didn’t know you watched UFC! This makes me uber happy.

    • studioeightonesix May 26, 2010 at 11:29 am #

      Thanks, Jen! I appreciate the kind words.

      For the record, I know everything you say is always in a joking manner. You can always tell the difference between people who love to laugh and joke around and those who take life way too seriously. I, like you, never call people things to be mean in any way possible. I am always joking on people, but will be the first to joke on myself. If you can’t laugh at life, then you have some serious problems. So, as long as you never take me too seriously, I will always return the favor. Deal?

      Of course I watch UFC! I love to see to grown men beat the living shit out of each other. It is entrenched in my genes. I love it! I wish I could follow if more like I did back in the day, though.

  2. Jen O. May 26, 2010 at 11:33 am #

    Open invitation to my monthly PPV UFC party. You just have to bring a snack. And not some wussed-out snack like chips. We like FANCY snacks.

    And – deal. If I want to say something serious (which I doubt will ever happen), I’ll make it clear.

    • studioeightonesix May 26, 2010 at 1:22 pm #

      Fancy snacks, huh? What do Canadians consider “fancy”? If I ever get to Canada (I will be close in late June) I will swing by with nothing but the fanciest snacks around.

      Yeah, I am with you. The only time something serious spews out of my mouth, it is usually laced with sarcasm and humor.

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