R.I.P Melrose Place v2.0

19 May

Yesterday, my favorite purveyor of trashy, lovely, delicious, and outright tasty television smut canceled the best way I like to waste an hour of my time. Yes, the CW, put the good old/new Melrose Place in the proverbial guillotine, yanked the rope, and let the poor cast’s pretty little heads fly. This gives me a serious case of the sads. Now let’s get serious here. I never really intended to watch this absolute mess of a show. Like most things, I was forced into it at gunpoint by the wife. From episode one, I was hooked like a two dollar whore on the smack. I don’t know what it was. Was it the beautiful people who, by luck,  all seemed to find the most kick ass apartment complex in all of Los Angeles? (Maybe) Was it the fancy cars and diamond rings? (Certainly) Or maybe, just maybe, was it the true love and ultimate romance of Jonah and Riley? (Definitely) I mean, how am I supposed to sleep at night when I will never know what will become of the Jonah, Riley, and Ella love triangle? This is very unsettling for me. I am getting queasy just thinking about all the unfinished story lines. How am I going to live without having the possibility of finding somebody dead in a swimming pool on my Tuesday nights? How will I ever know if  Dr. Michael Mancini’s heart thingamajig was actually killing patients? I may actually need heart surgery one day, you know? Shouldn’t someone alert the FDA about this? Never fear, some good has come from this. The cancellation of Melrose Place has brought me some inner peace. Why, you ask? We are almost guaranteed we will never have to see Ashley Simpson “act” again. No more of her trying to be sexy and ruining my nights with her portrayal of Ms. Violet. This will bring me a lot of needed comfort in the coming weeks. As we all know, I will definitely need it.

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4 Responses to “R.I.P Melrose Place v2.0”

  1. Rock The Boat May 19, 2010 at 10:04 am #

    *gulp*

  2. Jen O. May 19, 2010 at 11:40 am #

    Dude. You watched that? Were you allowed to keep your balls on, or did you have to leave them at the door?

    • studioeightonesix May 19, 2010 at 1:07 pm #

      Absolutely! I love trashy television. I watch a lot of things that most men won’t. Hell, I watch things that most humans shouldn’t. Don’t worry, I never got into the Jersey Shore. You will never have to read a “guido fist pump” review.

  3. Rock The Boat May 19, 2010 at 7:56 pm #

    You should try watching AB Fab or somethin… Black Books, Kentucky Fried Movie -but Melrose Place, jesus crucified a canoodling clandestine transexual for less

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