Five Dollar Words

16 Mar

Everybody loves them. They slide ever so smoothly off the tip of your tongue. Effortlessly, they make you feel instantly smarter and slightly sophisticated. They improve your posture, confidence, and overall swagger almost to the point of unintended cockiness. You seize every single opportunity to use them. You silently scoff at and belittle the heathens below you that seem puzzled and confused by the vernacular spewing from your crazy sounding mouth. What am I talking about? The cherished and sometimes feared, Five Dollar Word. At the office, you use them to assert your dominance. While at parties, you wow and impress the room with your witty syntax.  The exhilarating high you get while verbally bitch slapping an opponent compares with almost nothing else in the world. We all have our favorites. Most likely, you have learned and held on to yours since childhood. They have been burnt into the deepest part of your brain, always there for you to rely on in a time of need. Some of us can control them and use them for only good. Others, not so much. The later, accumulate these words and unleash them on innocent bystanders. These verbal assaults are often unprovoked and unwarranted. Over the years, I have often been the target of such blatant logorrhoea (Five Dollar Word). There is no way to escape the lashing of a spiteful physician, lawyer, or even the everyday wannabe English professor. As you stand mired in verbal diarrhea, you think to yourself, “Man, this guy is one pretentious asshole”, until you can run off to find the nearest dictionary. As you feverishly flip through the pages of the latest edition of Webster’s, something odd happens. Unconsciously, you start to learn and harness additional Five Dollar Words for you very own arsenal. Before you know it, you find yourself blabbing and barking to your own subordinates the very same esoteric (Five Dollar Word)  language that just befuddled you moments earlier.  So today, I implore you to break this ugly and asinine cycle. Use these words only for good, humor, and to impress that cute new girl who keeps passing your desk on the way to the copy machine. Until then, wait…What’s that doctor? Um, yes. Well, I, um. I already…Yes, sir. OK, I have to go. Apparently, I have an octogenarian (Five Dollar Word) to attend to.


4 Responses to “Five Dollar Words”

  1. Scott March 16, 2010 at 10:04 am #

    Hey, at least I knew octogenarian

    • studioeightonesix March 16, 2010 at 10:09 am #

      One for one, Scott! :)

  2. Suzanne March 29, 2010 at 10:26 am #

    Haha, great post!

    “As you stand mired in verbal diarrhea, you think to yourself, “Man, this guy is one pretentious asshole”, until you can run off to find the nearest dictionary.” -great line

    had to look up octogenarian.

    • studioeightonesix March 29, 2010 at 10:32 am #

      Well, thank you! I really appreciate feedback of any kind. Not too many people actually take the time to comment.

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