The Male Anatomy and Lovely Quilts

29 Jan

There are many things a self-respecting man would never do in his life. In fact, you could probably write a whole textbook on the subject. To borrow from the great Neil Patrick Harris, it would be called the Bro Code. As you would expect, it would be filled with funny and downright immature little quips mainly based on the three major things men care the most about. That’s right, a whole book based on nothing more than women (mainly just their body parts and what can be done with them), food, and sports. Based on a conversation I had with the wifey the other night, I am convinced we may need another section to this so-called manual. From this point on, we shall add the “I Would Rather Pull Out My Own Pubes” chapter to the good book. Yes, you read that correctly. Things so undeservedly asinine you would rather take a fist full of your own black and curlies and give a violent tug. Case in point? A full-grown man should never utter the words “Just spent a wonderful 4 day weekend with the wife at a quilting convention”. Sure, we are all guilty of doing our husbandly duties. In most cases, you just smile, suck it up, and hope for a lavish reward in the end. The aforementioned scenario would have probably left my poor wife a young divorcee with two kids and a mortgage. Sorry, but the only way I would ever consider attending such an atrocious, cult like herding of middle-aged women sporting mock turtlenecks, mom jeans, and cat cardigans would be if I had my own booth filled will nothing but quilts in the shape of penises, monster trucks, and inspirational messages like “Rock Out With Your Cock Out”. I am pretty sure I would sell out of all the manly paraphernalia in about an hour. Actually, I am convinced of this. Anyway, I will leave you with this thought for today. Something for you to ponder and lose sleep over. Until the next time, I will be barefoot in the kitchen, washing dishes and baking pies. Why? Because my wife told me to.


One Response to “The Male Anatomy and Lovely Quilts”

  1. suzanneme March 12, 2010 at 9:55 am #

    lol! we all need inspiration.

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