Happy Birthday, Daphne the Diva

21 Jan

One cold and dreary day last November,  in one single glorious moment, my life instantaneously changed. Sure, I have been through this before. In all actuality, 4 years ago I was in the very same city and building. Hell, I was even in the same exact room. I am no stranger to the blood, sweat, and tears. I have witnessed the poetic chaos of numerous medical professionals running around, barking orders, and ultimately giving their all to care for my wife. I have experienced the intoxicating high of becoming a father for the first time. This time, however, things are a little bit different. The tiny creature that had used my wife as a host for the greater part of a year was about to make a grand debut. The thing is, I knew it was coming. I had been forewarned. I had seen the multiple sonograms with my own two eyes. No matter how much I prepared for this day, things were going to change. I had no clue just how dramatic the changes were going to be.  See, this time, the sweet and innocent child my wife was laboring into this world had lady parts. That’s right, folks. You read that correctly. I, in the matter of a few measly hours,  became the proud father of a beautiful baby girl. Game changed. Actually, game over. There was no escaping the harsh reality that I was indeed now in charge of the precious life of a teeny, tiny female. What has this world come to? Seriously. When my son was born, I already knew pretty much everything I needed to know about raising a little boy. I had been there, done that. I had lived that life with reckless abandonment. Without doubt, I knew 100% that whatever question that little boy came up with, I surely had an answer for him. As the doctor handed my gorgeous daughter to me, in that moment, I knew my life would be forever changed. I now had to worry about a thousand boys instead of just one. My life was instantly flooded with pink, purple, lace, and frilly dresses. I could envision phone calls from random boys, dating, and prom night. Damn. I know too much. I know how the Y chromosome works. I am fully versed in the inner-workings of the pubescent male mind. This cannot be good. My daughter is only two months old and I am already in super protective dad mode. The double standards are flowing a plenty in the Johnson household. What is good for my son surely isn’t good for my sweet daughter, right? The boy can date as soon as he hits the ripe old age of 13. The girl? Nope. She will be forbidden to date until she is at least 30 years of age. I know, I know, it’s not fair. But, what am I supposed to do? The woman psyche is a complete and utter mystery to me. Sure, I have done OK so far. I have managed to survive my youth with my little sister. I have enjoyed almost nine years of wedded bliss with my lovely wife. But, that’s where the fairy tale ends. I have a lot of learning to do. I have to be damn near perfect from now on. I have to be the exception to the male rule, right? This is going to be an interesting journey. Well, wish me luck. I am going to need it. It’s going to be one fabulous roller coaster ride. And to all you future hormone ravaged boys out there, I have a shotgun and a shovel. Need I say anymore?

To see photos from this awesome day, click HERE for facebook or HERE for Flickr.

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One Response to “Happy Birthday, Daphne the Diva”

  1. Tracey January 22, 2010 at 4:43 am #

    You are a wonderful daddy to your son and your daughter. They are so, so lucky to have you TJ!

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